【超准】在伦敦生活一定有过的70个念头

1. Finding a place to live should be easy – London’s massive!

伦敦如此大，找个地方住肯定分分钟搞定！
2. I would like a spacious flat with good transport links please, estate agent.

喂？中介吗？我想找一个交通便利的超大公寓
3. You have one? Excellent, I will come and view it tonight.

我擦嘞~你正好有一个？太棒了，哥今晚就去看房

4. Hello estate agent, why are we in zone 5?

中介啊，为毛这房是在5区啊？
5. And why are we at least 15 minutes away from a bus stop?

而且，为毛离公交站至少要走15分钟啊？
6. Also, why does this flat look like a former prison?

而且，为毛这公寓看起来以前像是监狱啊？
7. Also, where are the windows?

而且，为毛木有窗户啊？
8. Also, that’s not a bed, that’s a mattress on the floor.

而且，为毛那床就像是放在地上的垫子啊？
9. I suppose I have no other options and five other people are also interested. I’ll take it.

没得选了，而且还有五个家伙对这房感兴趣，好吧，劳资租了！
10. Oh, you charge £5,000 in estate agent fees?

神马？！你居然要收（抢）5000镑的中介费？！
11. And want a deposit and six weeks’ rent?

而且还要交押金和六周的房租？
12. Here you go, then, take all my money. Literally, take it all.

拿去吧，把我所有的钱都拿去吧，对，所有的钱。
13. You’ve just bought a flat? You mean your parents have bought you a flat, yes?

你刚买了一套公寓？你是说你爸妈给你买了一套公寓吗？
14. Well, maybe if I save a bit of money each month I can put it towards a deposit on a house one day.

如果我每个月能省着点花，总有一天我能交得起房子的押金
15. OK, maybe a flat.

好吧，一套公寓也可以
16. OK, maybe a room in a flat.

好吧，公寓里的一个房间也是可以接受的
17. OK FINE, I’ll never be able to afford any property, ever.

好吧，我永远也买不起任何的房产，永远！

18. My commute isn’t too bad. And by that I mean that it crushes my soul each waking day.

住在郊区每天去市区上班不是很悲催的问题，而是这每天都在碾qiang压jian我的灵魂

19. Oh, ANOTHER signal failure?

神马？又特么交通信号故障？!
20. So I’ll just be 20 minutes late for work today?

所以劳资今天要迟到20分钟咯？
21. Just move down the carriage, you utter dick.

都给我利索地滚下地铁，你们这些（哔——）
22. Oh, that’s nice, your bag gets its own seat. It’s fine, I’ll stand.

哟呵，太好了，连你的包都有自己的座位了，没关系，我站着就是了

23. Please, put your armpit more in my face.

有本事把你的腋窝往我的脸再凑近一点啊！让狐臭来得更猛烈些吧！
24. Please, continue to sneeze on my head.

有本事再冲我的头打喷嚏试试看？！
25. Or use my head as an arm rest, that’s fine too.

或者，你想把我的头当扶手吗？完全没问题哦！
26. There is literally no room on this train.

这车厢里真的一点位置都没了，真的一点都没了！
27. Do not try to get on.

还想上来？做你个大头梦！
28. The doors are shutting, what are you doing?

车门正在关上了，你特么要干嘛？！

29. YOU ARE STUCK IN THE DOOR.

你被车门夹住了啦！！
30. YOUR HEAD IS LITERALLY STUCK IN THE DOOR.

你的头妥妥地被车门夹住了，妥妥的！
31. Was it worth it? WAS IT?

这有意思吗？啊？

32. Oh god, is she pregnant?

偶买噶，她怀孕了？
33. Or…not?

还是……没怀？
34. Pregnant or not, pregnant or not, pregnant or not?

特么到底怀孕了没？
35. Should I offer her my seat?

我该让座吗？
36. Or pretend to be asleep?

还是要假装睡着了没看见？
37. I’ll offer her my seat.

好吧，我得给她让座
38. Nope. Not pregnant.

不，这货绝壁没怀孕

39. Haha, no, pressing the button won’t open the door, but I’ll silently laugh at you.

哈哈，按那个按钮是开不了门滴，但是至少可以让我在心里嘲笑你一下
40. For the love of god, STAND ON THE RIGHT.

看在毛主席的份上，求你们站在扶梯右边吧

41. Next tube in FIVE FUCKING MINUTES ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING.

下一班地铁是5分钟后，你特么在逗我？！
42. Oh hey, Emirates Air Line, you’re still pointless.

嘿，空中缆车啊，你存在的意义到底在哪里
43. I’m at the front of the DLR and I’m pretending to drive it and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life.

我坐在DLR的最前排啦，我正在驾驶这辆车呢。这真是我一生当中最开心的事儿了！
44. Lol, Cockfosters.

丁丁的培养~这个站名儿屌炸天
45. Rail replacement bus service? Fuck my actual life.

临时替代地铁的公交车服务？你给我滚
46. There’s a good service on all London Underground lines, is there? I’m confused at how you’re defining “good”.

所有伦敦地铁线路运行良好？我真的怀疑你们是怎么定义“良好”的
47. Go on, by all means, continue to read your newspaper as you change lines.

继续一边走去换乘一边看报纸吧，我真的一点儿都不介意
48. Please, DO walk slower.

请走得更慢一些吧
49. Fuck you, TfL. Fuck all of you.

哔——伦敦交通局。我去年买了个表

50. Finding a relationship in this city will be easy. There’s like, literally millions of people here.

伦敦那么多人，找个对象啥的一定so easy
51. Maybe I should join Tinder.

算了我还是去注册一下Tinder吧（海外版陌陌）

52. Why am I still in work? It’s night-time.

为毛都深夜了我还在搬砖？
53. Although London, you’re pretty at night-time.

伦敦夜景那么美，加班也值~
54. Pay day! I have all the money!

出粮啦！我终于拿到钱啦
55. Rent paid. Bills paid. Food bought. Drinks consumed. LOL, what’s money again?

付房租、付账单、买食物、买饮料，卧槽，钱去哪了？
56. Drink? It’s Monday. Yes, because I want to celebrate Monday being over.

去喝一杯？为毛？今天才周一啊

对啊，我想庆祝一下，周一终于结束了
57. Drink? It’s Tuesday. Yes, because I’m depressed that it’s Tuesday.

去喝一杯？为毛？今天才周二啊

对啊，就是因为今天才周二，T_T
58. Drink? It’s Wednesday. Yes, because hump day. And also because I just said “hump day”.

去喝一杯？为毛？今天才周三啊

对啊，今天是hump day（指周三，最难熬也是最充满希望的日子，过去了就是周末了）
59. Drink? It’s Thursday. Yes, because it’s nearly Friday.

去喝一杯？为毛？今天才周四啊

对啊，因为就快周五了啊

60. Drink? FUCK YES, IT’S FRIDAY.

去喝一杯？一定啊！周五了！
61. Yes! Free table in the pub on Friday! Life could not be any better right now.

欧耶！周五pub居然有空位，还有比这更美好的人生么？

62. A party on Saturday you say? Where abouts? Wimbledon? Fuck that. Too far.

你说周六去趴体？哪儿？温布顿？！尼玛，太远了

63. Why why why why why am I on the nightbus again?

外外外外外我又坐在夜巴里了？

64. A new pop-up restaurant has opened? Great, how many years will we have to queue for?

新开了一家快餐店？太棒了，我要排几年的队才能吃得到？

65. You’re asking me how I am and I’m really not OK but I know telling you that is not the London way. So I’M FINE!

你问我过得怎么样？其实我糟透了！但是我知道我要是这么说的话太不伦敦范儿了，所以，I’M FINE
66. You’re asking me about my weekend plans and now I feel under pressure to say something cool when actually I just want to sleep.

你问我周末有神马计划？好吧，其实我原本只是想昏睡两天的，被你这么一问我得好好想想有神马酷一点的东西可以拿来说了。
67. No, I don’t want to go Christmas shopping on Oxford Street.

不，我才不想傻比地圣诞节去牛津街血拼
68. In fact, I don’t want to do any kind of shopping, ever, on Oxford Street.

在牛津街，我神马都不！想！买！

69. In fact, let’s just never go to Oxford Street, because I won’t be held accountable for my actions if we do.

其实，只是别去牛津街就好了，否则我做了什么事儿可别怪我
70. Leave London? Are you joking? NEVER.

离开伦敦？你特么在开玩笑？劳资才不勒！